you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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