I met the friendliest cop last night
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
