I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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