I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you didnt know i had herpes?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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