yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
