is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
