so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
