so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
