i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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