Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
