John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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