billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
this just has baby written all over it
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
