I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
