dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
