How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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