I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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