Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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