one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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