Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
