I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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