Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
