This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
