she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
