Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
