Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
