just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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