Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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