somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
