Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
