No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
