What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I deserve to be covered in dicks
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
