I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
