Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
