you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Green mimosas i think yes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
