Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
