My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
