Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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