1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
