sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
