i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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