the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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