ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
