chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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