I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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