He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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