Who did Billy Mays play for?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
