I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Randomize
