is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
