someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
