Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
