My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
