This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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