if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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