his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
