the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Liz is crying about burritos again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Randomize
