I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
