Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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