there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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